Fasting Jews Slowing Traffic

Millions of Jews welcomed in the new year of 5767 with song, prayer and fasting. But the celebrations turned ugly in the filthy Manhattan neighborhood of Chinatown just as the sun disappeared.

As the ceremonial ram's horn, or shofar, was blasted, the doors of hundreds of area synagogues were thrust open as hungry Jews made an exodus reminiscent of their forefathers fleeing Egypt thousands of years ago. "Me hear loud horn," said Mott Street stereotype Pao-Lin Chin. "Then hear sound like million hooves of cattle."

The clarion call of the ram's horn was soon replaced by the feedback of the police bullhorn as hundreds of cops were sent to clear gridlock and break up fights. "Things will be back to normal by the morning rush," said New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg between bites of spare rib and #24 Kung Pao Chicken.

Two women were injured by a man swinging a duck which had been hanging in the window of Chow Luck Kitchen, 21 Pearl Street. "I see this many time before," said 76-year old resident Zhin "Charlie" Zhao-Linn. "I remember Yom Kippur 5735. Or maybe 36. You know locust scene from [1937 classic] 'The Good Earth'? It lot like that.

Police were called in to ease tensions, gridlock.

As the streets cleared, a sanitation crew began clearing the streets of discarded duck sauce packets and salting the sidewalks to keep pedestrians from slipping on the oil slicks left by egg roll wrappers.