Models Living (Extra) Large

People flocking to Europe's fashion shows in hopes of ogling some hot, scantily-dressed supermodels were dismayed by what they saw in Madrid last month.

In what has been called "The Madrid Initiative", girls deemed to be unhealthily thin according to an index created by the World Health Organization (WHO) have been banned from the fashion runways. One woman modeling the latest in toothpick wear found the decision to be, "like, sooooo not fair." "Thin is the new black," claimed one-named model Fricia, who was wearing a skeleton costume. It turned out that it wasn't a costume. Other waifs who usually populate fashion weeks were left with even more vacant stares than they usually have. Models named Micha, Viv, Ana, and Druze were sent away for pancake breakfasts for being too thin. It was the hot topic on everyone's lips, but on the lips of everyone else? Hot fudge.

Not everyone is unhappy with the Madrid Initiative. The recent shortage in models has caused the streets and cafés of Spain to become flooded with obese women. Lines of rotund, sumo-sized fatties stretched for miles. Blimpos, gordos, fat-asses and heifers joined with wide loads, ten ton tessies, round mounds of rebound and lard butts storming the modeling agencies, looking for their chance to hit the runways. "We welcome all healthy women who want to model," stated Leonor Perez Pita, director of Madrid 's fashion week. "But the women are out there pounding the pavement. Literally. It's causing a lot of damage to our side streets."

In Juan's Diner, two translucent models complained that the new regulations were forcing them to eat more than they'd like. "I'm on my second piece of Melba toast," whined Anika Stig. "Yeah," agreed her companion, who wished to remain anonymous. Meanwhile, in the booth behind them, Two plus-sized woman were seen eating the leftovers from the plates of the other models.